I was telling a friend the other day that I’ve been struggling at work because suddenly I have a posse of friends around whom I can be completely authentic. At work I am Work Me. She’s not a lot different from Authentic Me and I am struggling to find a real hard line between the two but there is a difference. I work around wealth managers who are, for the most part, wealthy. They are entirely Conservative Republicans with a deep dislike for President Obama. I am not rich. I am pretty far left in the political spectrum and I trust and believe in our President so much I had a dream the other night that I got to meet his beautiful wife. (She was wearing a green suit and she smelled good.) Anyway, it’s hard to let all of my geekiness out, to voice my political feelings, to dress like I want to dress. (I totally want another ear piercing and a small diamond stud in my nose but I worry about how that would look. )
My boss, who I adore, described a colleague once by saying that he “shows well.” I worry about how I “show.” I blush at the drop of a hat. I do not sweat delicately – I gush. I have moments of total confidence and moments where I feel like a complete failure.
All of this is more complex than I want to consider. Whatever I am feeling right now I have to work and I want to do a good job and I care about my company and I respect the people I work for and with. I must focus on those things and regain my focus on my “to do” list. I have to remember that doing this job affords me the freedom to have my friends and have a good life with my family.
This is ramble-y but I feel better somehow and more ready for Monday morning.